Embraced by death.

Saturday, August 29, 2009

gotta start mugging.

maths.

ki.

econs.

history.

and get BBBD at least...

i need my h3 D=

time passes so fast in jc..

by a blink of an eye, its almost the end of the year. o.O

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3:11 PM

Friday, August 21, 2009

yay finishing lit review :D

2250 words le omg overshot x.x

gg next week 3 tests.

havent start studying o.O

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how can anyone expect me to treat you virtuously,

to treat you like a friend because of your innate qualities,

when you are wearing that mask of deception,

or at least i think you are.

i may be skeptical but it's all to protect myself.

of course, you may be thinking the same thing.

12:19 AM

Sunday, August 16, 2009

1month + left to promos, and i am still slacking.

way to go. -.-

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Excuses.

i make them.

you make them.

they are an integral part of life.

but have you ever thought of the fact that excuses too are lies?

it's just a lie that we all make to improve our self-interests.

we are all, insofar, utilitarians.

forget your morals.

realise that you are a liar at the core.

live on with the fact that you are a liar,

and rot with it.

die with it.

humans are filled and corrupted with deception even to the core.

7:48 PM

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

somewhere along the road,

i changed.

realized the despair and pain,

the lies that shrouds our lives.

got pessimistic,

started to realise the falsities that people portray.

how so many people in my life are simply wearing masks of their own,

a smiling face now,

contorts into a perverse smile like Jigsaw.

How so many people wave a hand at you now,

and wave a dagger at your back later.

how sickening this world is.

but i have comfort in knowing that there are real friends,

ones who i can trust,

even if it may not last.

with this friends i may be able to survive the craziness of this world,

the plotting, scheming of those who claim to be friends,

those who ignore you now and try to be cozy later when it affects their self-interest.

how many true friends can we find in this world?

how many aren't simply pretending for their own self benefit?

how many aren't simply socializing with you because there is a need to?

how many aren't simply acting out their friendliness, and is all ready to stab you in the back when they have to?

it disgusts me when i think of it.

i wish those who would fake through their lives bon voyage,

for their lives would end up in despair and self-carnage.

I am enlightened, even by a little bit,

the world,

is a blob of lies and deceit,

unruly and ready to kill all who is not prepared for it.

ready to affect them with a chronic poison,

one that won't kill them instantly,

but slowly drive them to their end.

slowly, slowly,

it will come.

and i shall be prepared for it.

7:32 PM

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

"why would we want to be superficial with you?"

true.

maybe the death of ivan ilyich did get to my head.

but it does bring a new perspective to my world.

now i realise the importance of reflecting upon our lives,

as well as extrapolating my viewpoint to that of a third-person view.

to see my whole life as it goes on,

but would i be able to save this wretched life of mine?

anyway russian literature rocks.

now reading crime and punishment.

the writers were able to depict and illustrate solely with words, that atmosphere of demise, depression, sorrow, pain, conflict, contradictions.

Let's hope i can remain sane (albeit barely) for the rest of these few years.

and hopefully i can see through the superficial and the superfluous.

i shall try.

11:18 PM

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

i despise pricks who think that they are the smartest brains in the world.

Because only i have the rights to think so.

don't try to be normative with me.

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the superficiality of the world is disgusting.

no one can be trusted.

no one should be trusted.

no one really means what they say.

everyone is selfish.

since this is the case,

on what grounds should i trust others?

on what grounds should i do things for "the greater good"?

i shall just ensure my own survival.

11:01 PM

Monday, August 3, 2009

Once upon a time, there was a little boy, who always thought that the world revolved around him.

This boy doesn't know rejection, for he has never faced such.
This boy doesn't know "no", because he only takes "yes" for an answer.
This boy doesn't know the realities of the world, for he was sheltered in his own home.

He was mesmerized by girls he liked, and he tried to ask them out.

Again and again, he was given the excuse "i am busy".

Despite the obvious underlying intents behind such excuses, the boy refused to relent.

He doesn't get it, or simply, refuses to accept it.

Accept the fact that he was rejected.

He believed that if he asked enough times,miracles would happen.

He tried repetitively, even if he understood that the outcome was near absolute.

He was simply being rejected.

"If the world is to reject me, i would rather reject the world" says the depressed boy who had faced rejection ever since April 26th.

Never had he been successful at anything, and additionally these excuses were driving him mad.

"I will take this last step, for that is all i deserve."

and he jumped.

The world went on as usual, and no one dropped a tear, since no one cared about him.

He was just another passing soul.

He was not mourned.

not cried upon,

not missed,

not significant.

And all was well.

11:52 PM

i am getting real tired of life.

11:23 PM